Home Again

Jul. 23rd, 2013 03:22 pm
luminousshadow11: (Portal 2 - Chell/cube/rain)
[personal profile] luminousshadow11
I'm back again, back in the states again. It's been a long arduous journey, but I'll get to that at a later point. At the moment I'm trying to figure out my own business which has been rather trying.

South Korea was a fun and interesting experience, but it really wreaked havok on me emotionally. Then again, so did the whole moving to Indiana thing. It got worse though. And having no one that understands anxiety to talk about it made it all the worse. Maybe I'll start letting it out more on here, now that I'm back and have more time.

Basically, I had a really hard time in Korea. It started out okay, but the job situation and our boss just made things worse. I had trouble going out by myself, I started having IBS problems (which I'm pretty damn sure are directly tied to my anxiety based on the timing), and the anxiety made me depressed. Korea has a pretty good public transportation network so getting around is fairly easy, but I could barely make a 5 minute bus ride by myself, I was so anxious and worried. Z didn't understand, he doesn't get it, but I just couldn't do it myself.

Add in the occasional health anxiety and I was kind of a mess. :/

I really want to start seeing someone about this because the whole IBS thing really makes things difficult. It doesn't seem to be as bad since we're back, but when I start worrying or panicking it seems inevitable. I have a few ideas to implement myself, but I really think seeing someone is going to help get me out of my head and let my concerns go, or at least acknowledge them as being anxiety and that it's okay. I don't really have that right now and it's kind of challenging. It kind of makes me depressed, actually.

At least now I have something to focus on. I'm trying to work with a resume writing service to get my resume revamped and look for jobs. I just have to keep my anxiety leashed so that I can find a job and get health insurance so I can finally get some help with all this business. I have a few ideas, but I'm going to keep looking and I hope I can find something that gives me income, but not too much stress, at least not until I can handle it a little better. 
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